I have often wondered (and worried) about that tiny self-centered being inside of me who peeks into her inbox to see if anyone has commented approval on a recent blog post I've written, the greedy inner being whose heart beats a flurry whenever another writer or an editor writes me an affirmative message, the egotistical being who feels rejected during times of silence...silence meant to humble me, humanize me, center me back to reality.
I've scorned that voice. Questioned that voice. Rebuked that voice. Threatened that voice. Ignored that voice.
But still...he skirts the margin of my writing.
Not wanting to seem as though I'm drawing attention upon myself, my pace has slown with uncertainty and denial.
Today I realized why writers cannot silence the need for acclamation and affirmation. Seldom does it have anything to do with greed, self-centeredness, feelings of greatness, or a demand for attention. Seldom.
It is because our own writing snears at us, spits at us, glares at us. We see the flaws, the weakness, and the mistakes. Typos and misspellings snarl at us from the page and screen. Our inner voice is deafening and certainly critical enough. Without our readers' approval, acclaim, and affirmation; we die a slow death. Our souls ripped bare. Our spirits wounded.
Our readers' words draw our eyes away from the faulty attire of our human words and refocus them on the spirit within which God desires to impart.
I've scorned that voice. Questioned that voice. Rebuked that voice. Threatened that voice. Ignored that voice.
But still...he skirts the margin of my writing.
Not wanting to seem as though I'm drawing attention upon myself, my pace has slown with uncertainty and denial.
Today I realized why writers cannot silence the need for acclamation and affirmation. Seldom does it have anything to do with greed, self-centeredness, feelings of greatness, or a demand for attention. Seldom.
It is because our own writing snears at us, spits at us, glares at us. We see the flaws, the weakness, and the mistakes. Typos and misspellings snarl at us from the page and screen. Our inner voice is deafening and certainly critical enough. Without our readers' approval, acclaim, and affirmation; we die a slow death. Our souls ripped bare. Our spirits wounded.
Our readers' words draw our eyes away from the faulty attire of our human words and refocus them on the spirit within which God desires to impart.
Ah, the lonely, lonely life of a writer...however active we may be in other ways. And Cay, your blog is one of my very favorites! :)
ReplyDeleteThank you, dear. Your words do a writer good. :-)
ReplyDeleteKeep writing! I love your writing! Especially when you write about mother culture & homeschooling.
ReplyDelete